That Old Love

So often, we hear of that old love that has stood the test of time. We hear our great aunties and uncles, granddads and grandmas speak of all of the trials and tribulations they went through to get to where they are today. And when we hear that, I’m not going to lie, I kind of take that with a grain of salt. You see the love they have now and think, they couldn’t have possibly gone through too much pain, they are still together. Right? Surely they’ve never cursed each other out, not spoken for a week or more, wanted to leave, gotten to the point when they don’t even look at each other. But the truth is, they have. The difference between now and then simply boil down to value. Don’t worry, I’ll explain.

We weren’t around for the times when your grandma couldn’t stand that your granddad always left the toilet seat up and always forgot to close the cabinets when he was done. We weren’t there for the times your uncle got sick of your auntie for washing the clothes wrong and accidentally drying his favorite shirt. We weren’t there to witness when they went thru their boring phases and just didn’t have much to say to each other. The truth is, it is gnna happen. I have always viewed relationships in a family sense. You have this person you confide in, talk to everyday, all day. Go through life together, GROW through life together, you see the good, bad and down right ugly of a person and you have to choose everyday to love them in spite of it all. Now-a-days, people are quick to see the faults in a person and simply abandon it for something ‘easier’. But they rarely take the time to realize that these situations are going to happen with everyone.

I always compare it to a sibling relationship, LET ME EXPLAIN. I have two brothers that I love to death but, they get on my nerves ALL THE TIME. They do things that I may not like, say things I don’t want to hear, give advice that is not warranted, hurt my feelings, messed up my room when we all still lived with my mom, broken a few toys of mine, but guess what, they are still my best friends. I will still choose them as my brothers if I had a choice. Because my love for them is unconditional. Despite all of the arguments we have had, where we have yelled to the top of our lungs and proclaimed how much we get on each others nerves, I still love them and I still choose them.

Relationships are a lot like that. Especially living with someone. When you wake up, they are there, when you go to sleep, they are there too. It is totally different than them just coming by to visit and staying a couple of nights with you or vice versa. You don’t notice how they throw their socks right next to the dirty clothes basket instead of IN it. You don’t notice them leaving the seat up. You don’t notice them putting your things up and forgetting where they put it. Or eating that piece of chicken you were saving for dinner. Regardless to the arguments you had that day, they are right there. Some days whether you like it or not. lol Trust me, we have our days when we can’t stand each other and do childish things like not speak to each other even though we are with each other all day, everyday. But once we give each other some space (aka go into different rooms and avoid each other lol) and are able to talk, we come to an understanding and decide to move past it.

This generation has made it so easy to move on to the next instead of putting in honest work to have a thriving relationship. You have friends that try to encourage the carefree lifestyle and to just find another. Sure, that would be easier but, you have to ask yourself if it is worth it. Happiness takes work. Being happy with your partner on the not so good days is hard work. And when I say work, that’s exactly what I mean. It’s not always easy, it’s not always the cuddling at night, it’s not always laughing together. Sometimes it’s not speaking all day and still making dinner for the both of you. Sometimes it’s throwing out the first olive branch and simply hugging or kissing your partner,  letting them know you understand or you’re sorry. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes you hurt each other’s feelings, sometimes your communication is off. But your love should remain the same. I am super grateful for how my relationship is now. But,  it took work to get where we are. I am grateful for the fact that we have family that encourages our love and advises us on how to stay happy and we listen and take that advice to better ourselves and each other.

Examples of love are so important, especially in this generation. With social media and everything else making it so easy to distract you, seeing real love is a pinnacle aspect of a healthy relationship. You have to listen, learn, and implement what you have heard and learned about yourself and your partner. You should always be your best self in the relationship you are in. Even if it doesn’t work out, it should make you feel good that you have learned somethings about yourself and it should make you better for the next person. You either Love or you Learn, there is no losing in love. Which I wrote about in my previous post Love or Learn (click here to read).

Sometimes people just don’t work out because they aren’t meant to be. They may be prince/princess charming to one person but, the opposite to another. I have learned that makes a huge difference in every aspect. So, the next time you are going through a rough patch with your significant other, ask yourself is it worth it. If it is, by all means work it out the best you can. If it isn’t, know that you have learned about yourself and DO NOT look at it as a loss.

 

As Always, Peace & Love ♥

 

Love or Learn

“You do not lose in love. You either win or you learn.”

Hey there every one!  I spent my Monday in bed due to a slight cold from losing a water fight on Sunday (I was ambushed but, we won’t get into that). But I woke up thinking about situations when we feel like we have ‘lost’. Those moments when you feel like you have exhausted every option and nothing worked and at that moment, you feel like you have been defeated. But, how often do you take those opportunities to learn from what could’ve been done better or slightly different.

So often you hear people saying, ‘If I had just waited two seconds longer, I could’ve made it.’ Or in my case, ‘If I had ran a little faster, I wouldn’t have gotten soaked,’. Now, some things you have to truly work at to improve or change for the better the next time you come across a similar situation. While other, you make slight adjustments and see the difference it makes. This aspect applies in almost every part of life. Sometimes we let the feeling of disappoints and trial and errors dictate the next move and that’s where we go wrong. We have to try to take every situation and turn it into a positive. I know that sounds cliche’ but the simplest things make the most sense. I often don’t need a long prophecy to see the gold message in it.

Whether it be a business, or a relationship, friendship, job or goal that didn’t work out the way you planned. It was for a reason and you have to take that information you have gathered after a long, deep conversation with yourself and make the next move your best move!

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As Always, Peace & Love ♥

Growth V.S Comfort

“You can’t be who you’re going to be, and who you used to be at the same time..”

-Source Unknown

Happy Monday!

I have been doing a lot of soul-searching lately (sounds cliché’, I know) and self-reflection. And with that, I have been growing. Growth is something we all struggle with. We struggle with the thought of losing our identity and this sense of ‘self’ that we have grown comfortable with. Growth can be hard, it can be confusing. Growth will pull you out of any situation that you can no longer remain comfortable in..a job, friendship, relationship, etc.It will shake up your world more than you know. It will change whatever plans you THINK you had. But, we cannot be afraid of the change; of evolving into who we are supposed to be.

For me, getting out of a stagnant relationship was what kicked off my ‘growth spurt’. I was out growing everything about it and it showed and he could tell as well. One time he even said that he felt like he was holding me back, I just didn’t see it because I was ‘so in love’. Towards the end, there was a lot of arguing, dreading conversations because my opinion was not valued. Before, I would let it go, but I endured entirely too much throughout the entire thing for my voice not to be heard and girl I was over it. I slowly saw that it became more of a familiarity thing and I was just used to him being around, not that I wanted him there anymore. I had love for him, but I was no longer in love and it took a lot of growing to realize that. You outgrow people, jobs, situations, relationships, and friendships and there is nothing wrong with that. You should never feel bad for growing away from someone, trust me, better will come.

Once I got over that, I realized I was no longer stuck in that cycle and I was so damn happy! Trying to be an ‘understanding woman’, trying to prove that I could handle HIS life, being in his kids life, dealing with the typical baby mama drama. I was losing myself by trying to be good enough for him…but what about me? So many things and aspects of myself were being repressed and shoved in a corner to accommodate everyone else’s feelings and I was no longer having it. I found myself stressing everyday, constantly being caught up in drama, always having to be the bigger person, and rarely getting so much as a thank you for not making things worse. I ended up looking at him in a total different light every single day because he was changing me and I hated it. Before him, I had never dealt with drama like I did during the relationship, I had never put myself in compromising situations, I had never felt so lost. I put so many things on hold to help him and it was never appreciated. I was losing myself.

The day it was finally over, I felt so free! Yeah, I cried a little when he walked out the door for the last time but not because I wanted him, but because of all the time and energy wasted.  I lost what I thought was a friend. But he was far from it. A friend wouldn’t put you down constantly, a friend wouldn’t devalue your voice and opinion. A friend would not let other people say or do terrible things to them. A friend would care and it took me too long to see that he did not. I was so busy searching for myself in him and in that relationship that I had completely lost sight of who Malissa was.

By the time he left, I had wasted no time. I had already gotten dressed and I decided to take myself to the movies IMMEDIATELY. lol I can’t even explain the feeling to you guys. I felt like so much weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I rearranged my room and closet because I no longer had to accommodate for his clothes being there. No longer had to cook everyday (if you know me, you know I rarely eat dinner). I could just be me again and that felt so good!

From that day forward, I have been knocking down goals that I have been wanting to accomplish. I found my career path in school ( Thank GOD!), eating a lot healthier, working out, and getting to really think and write about whatever the hell I want to without hearing anybody’s mouth!(yes girl, he even tried to control that).

I am making better lifestyle choices because I HAVE MY LIFE BACK. For the first time in a long time, I’m focusing on me. I wake up with a positive attitude every single day. I’m closer with my friends and family more than ever. I had kind of stayed away from them for a while, but luckily they took ya girl back with open arms and I love them to pieces! My relationship with my mother is back on track (she hated him lol) and I and even getting a relationship with my father again. I feel like Malissa again and I wish it were words to describe it. I found joy in MY LIFE again.

I wake up everyday with a clear mind, a clean spirit and an open heart. I’m loving the changes I have made within myself already and I can’t wait to see what is in store for my future that is already looking bright!

I hope you guys will look at your growing pains as an opportunity to change for the better. Whatever that initial sign is, don’t fight it! Follow it and evolve and watch how God blesses your life. When you remain ‘comfortable’ you are only hurting yourself. So if God is trying to eliminate something out of your life..a bad job, friendship, relationship, financial tie,  bad habits..please don’t fight the current!! I wish I had told myself this a long time ago but, I’m glad I figured it out now. I promise you, life will get so much better. I promise!

Peace & Love ❤

Purpose: Do You Know yours?

“I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door.”

-Marla Gibbs

Lately, I have been in such a deep, spiritual place. With every sun rise I am finding myself and my PURPOSE more and more. It’s funny how things work and fall into place. How every lesson life teaches you and enlightens you with every ‘failure’ and victory. I can no longer ignore my purpose. I feel like God is speaking to me more and more and I can no longer ignore it. Life is about purpose and leaving your footprints behind, and your imprint on someones life. And I’m ready to put more fuel to this fire that blazes within me. I’m ready. I’m ready to take myself where my soul has been trying to push me for years. Here I go!

Do you know your purpose?

For a bonus! Here is my favorite interview that I listen to almost everyday to motivate me and keep me on track!

Peace & Love ♥

We Can be Great Together

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another..”

-James Keller

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You are never too good to help another person. You are never above needing to be helped. The quicker we learn this, the faster we can get the help we need and help others along the way. We can all be great TOGETHER. 

Peace & Love ♥

Why Do You Write?

Why I write..

I write to inspire/motivate: I love to inspire others to write and to create another form of expression. I love seeing people inspired enough by me to create their page or to simply like something I wrote. If I could move you in some type of way simply because of my writing, I have done what I needed to. If I could make you feel a certain way by reading letters on a page, I have done my job. Lately, I’ve been getting random compliments on my work. That in itself is so wonderful. I write for myself but, when others can connect to how I feel or to even understand what I am trying to say when I write is truly a blessing. I love what I do so I love hearing feedback or seeing others be inspired to write and create as well. 😉

I write to discover/learn: Often times when I write, I have no idea where I am going or what conclusion or ending I will come up with. ‘Blind writing’, so I call it, helps me use my imagination and to dip into my subconscious thoughts, to write with no filter and say whatever comes to mind. I remember in elementary school, my English teacher would have ‘free writing time’. This was when we had to write for 10 minutes about whatever came to mind but, we could not take our pen off of the paper. Now, when I was younger I thought ‘How can you write something and not have an idea or plot?’. But, now, I see where she was going with this. (Shout out to you Mrs. Green!). Sometimes I had nothing to write so I would scribble circles all over the page. But I see what she was trying to teach me. You don’t always have to have a sense of direction to write something beautiful. You might surprise yourself and come up with something you never knew you could write.

I write to release: For me, writing is something I do to relax, relate, and release! (You can see my post on that here). It helps me clear my thoughts and get down to the root of my issue/situation and look at it with a clear mind. I am not really the type to express my feelings openly to people, so writing them down always helps me. Then when I am done, I try to read it as an outsider. What advice would I give someone with the same problem? What would I say? On the other hand, I also write ‘fiction’ so-to-speak. I write things from another persons perspective on how they might feel. I don’t have any children but, I wrote about the recent killing of children in my poem Never Have I Ever: read here. I am not homeless but, I wrote about being a homeless person in my poem United We Stand: here. I try to write objectively. I feel that is something every good writer should be able to do. To put themselves in another person shoes and feel life as someone else. How would I feel if I were in this situation or how would I view myself in another persons eyes?

Why do you write?

Peace & Love ♥