I Heard…

gossiping

You ever heard things about yourself that literally make you laugh out loud? No matter how bad, disgusting or false they are, it’s just downright hilarious. Let me tell you, I have heard a plethora of stories about me. All of which I never responded to and you shouldn’t either! And let me tell you why.

  1. I’m not one for drama. I have never been the type to ‘have beef’ with someone. It’s just not my style. Whether we have had our differences or not, I honestly don’t care enough to respond or react. I barely have time to think about myself so the time I do have will not be focused on gossipers or people who don’t like me. If you’re mad, know that you are mad all by yourself and nothing will come of it.
  2. I was raised different. Yeah, I could’ve responded with things ‘I heard’ or even facts about other people, but why? This only gives the other person power to know that they have upset you. And if it isn’t true, why bother anyway?
  3. I have better things to do. With everything I have to deal with on the daily; my future, school, work, family issues, my health, my relationship and friends, I literally have no time for things that don’t matter. So leave them where they are and worry about your life.
  4. What are you trying to prove? Ask yourself that before responding to ANYTHING. Will it effect you? Will it effect your check? Is it paying your rent, car note, cell phone bill, anything? Effecting your grades? If the answer is no, why do you care if you get a side eye from someone who ‘heard’. Screw them!  They aren’t your friends OR family. Just random people who need some business. If someone can take the time to bring up your name and spread nonsense, let them be and you keep doing what you’re doing.
  5. And last but not least. WWBD; What would Beyonce’ Do? Now, y’all know I love my girl for a number of reasons. But one of the main reasons I love her for is how she carries herself. You don’t ever hear about her responding to petty accusations or stories about herself, good or bad. And trust, there has been plenty. She dropped Lemonade and had the whole world thinking her marriage was about to be in shambles, and whether it was true or not, you see she is happy and has two beautiful babies on the way. You never hear about her talking about other people or putting people’s business out there just for relevancy. She never even dedicates a minuscule Instagram post about a rumor or hear say. Why? Because she is confident and knows who she is. She knows what she represents and you can’t hold yourself to that standard if you are constantly seen trying to prove others wrong and defending yourself to people who don’t matter. Prove them wrong by doing you and be damn good at it.

So guys, the next time you hear things about yourself, give it a good laugh! And congratulate those people for knowing more about you than you do. 😊

As Always, Peace & Love

Things I forgot to Remember

You ever have those things about yourself that you tell people that you used to do? For example, I used to have an awesome body when I ice skated ( fyi I love my body now, but I was in better shape before). I used to go to SLU, I worked so hard to get in! I used to… etc. etc. But I asked myself the other day, what about now? Who is Malissa today, in this moment. What do I really like to do? If someone asked, what would I say? When I couldn’t find the answer, I knew I needed a revamp. I had realized that when I spoke of things I was most proud of, it was in reference to things that I used to do. And that has to change.

I made a list about a week ago about how my year is going to go, no exceptions and I have already started knocking down some things. On my list, I have things I want to try, places I want to go, things I want /need for myself, goals I want to meet; things that we all put on our ‘To Do’ list but, they never manifest due to lack of effort and planning. That all ends from this year forward.

Well, so I never get side tracked, I hung my ‘2017 Goals’ up around the house so that I have no excuses when it comes to focus. I put one on my refrigerator and one near my steps so I can’t escape it. So when I go to eat food, I see my goal to be healthy and hopefully make better choices. When I wake up, I have no choice but to go down my stairs and look at the goals that I am striving for each day. And I also have one on my desk at work, to remind me not to get comfortable and work smart, not hard.

I have a board that I write inspirational quotes on that are supposed to be keeping me motivated but sadly, it has turned in to a drawing board for my boyfriend due to my lack of use. So I hung my list on it (and still left a little room for him to do his thing lol).

My younger self was motivated and a real go getter. I was..am a force to be reckoned with and I know if I keep this new found focus, I will become my best self at my own pace. I find that I tend to slack off a bit when I am in a relationship and I promised myself this wouldn’t happen this time. So, to 2017 and beyond. I’m excited! Here’s to putting effort into me; physically, emotionally, and mentally.

 

Love, Always ♥

But, they got kids!

Relationships are hard, okay? Like, real hard. Now, I don’t mean that you have to fight constant battles everyday with and/or against each other but, it does have it’s obstacles. Whether or not you make it through them in one piece, together, is the real challenge.

One thing in particular that seems to break relationships down, is if one of the partners has kids, BUT, only if it is not something you can handle. I want to address this because my man has two beautiful baby boys with his ex and I never for a second looked at them as being in the way of our relationship. But I know of people who simply will not date someone with kids or will not make any effort to get to know their children and it saddens me every time I hear it. I have had friends that won’t even ask about the children, or mention them. I never understood how you could date someone and not want to know their kid(s). And I also never understood how a person with kids could date someone who did not want to be in their kids life at some point.

Now, I do understand the reasons why someone might feel this way and not want to get involved. Maybe they have an ex that still wants your partner back or an ex that keeps them away simply because they may not like you. Maybe they feel like they can’t get as much time with their partner because they have kids. But, when you accept that person in your life, you have to accept the terms and conditions as well. It takes a certain level of maturity from each person involved to handle these things without feeling left out. You have to know that their children ALWAYS come first. Point.blank.period. And if you can’t handle that, maybe he/she isn’t for you.

When you plan to be with someone and start a family with them, it is so crucial that you establish some type a relationship with their children if you plan on having a future. I’ve witnessed beautiful blended families where they all work well together and they all know their place. Where the exes and new boyfriend/girlfriend don’t hate each other and can actually depend on each other if need be. And with that being said, I know these things take time. You shouldn’t be threatened by the ex and the current partner shouldn’t be looked at as the enemy. But, I do understand the caution behind not wanting your children around someone other than you. As we all know, there are some crazy ass people out there. But, you have to trust the mother/father to know that they wouldn’t bring someone in their lives if they couldn’t trust them around and in their kid(s) life.

So if you are leery about dating someone with kids, I understand and I’m not judging! But, don’t count someone out simply because they have a child or multiple children. And if you are open to it, more power to you! It certainly isn’t for the weak-hearted.

 

Love, Always. ♥

To Be or Not to be.. an Angry (Black) Woman..

Bedside With Brooke

So often I hear how terrible black women are portrayed. We are either too emotional, too sassy, too loud, too ratchet, too ghetto, too ignorant, unnecessary, too outspoken, unwanted, not desirable, and I’m tired of it… I’m tired of having to try to change how I say, do or react to things to make others comfortable. I’m tired of the targets and labels that are put on our heads every time we show any type of emotion or opinion on how we need to be regarded and treated not only by our black men, but by other black women as well and outside cultures.

As a woman first, I see us being underpaid, and that’s okay with society. I see us being mistreated and that’s okay for society to accept. We are deemed too dramatic when we react to how we are being mistreated and it has to stop. You…

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Won’t He Do It

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You guys, God is amazing. No, really… This year has been a crazy one to say the least. And I felt like I was fighting for everything I had. But these past few months, I let it all go and gave it to God. I prayed on it, I cried over it, I stayed up all night over it. But, I stopped fighting. I put my entire faith in Him.And I let God handle it and what I found out, was that he had my back the entire time. A few days ago, I realized that not fighting was the best thing I could have ever done.

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I stopped trying to fix everything. This DOES NOT mean it doesn’t cross your mind. In my case, I thought about all everyday but, I stopped stressing over it. I asked God to guide me and take over. And he did in the best way. When you stop trying to solve things your way, it always works out for you. Trust me.

As always, Peace and LOVE

Mental Awareness

Lately, I have been trying to dig deep into my inner peace and happiness. I have been trying to be healthy in every aspect of my life. Mentally, physically, spiritually. I’m becoming more and more in-tune with myself. What makes me happy, what motivates me, what makes me sad.

I was talking with my friend the other day. About strength and having faith in yourself and God. I truly believe God put her in my life for a reason. When we first met, I had no idea we would become friends. We didn’t speak much and I honestly thought we would never even have a conversation..I was wrong. I have watched her from the carefree stages of life. I have watched her get pregnant, tell me she wasn’t having it, tell me she was having it, keep it, make it through months and loose him within the second trimester. Him. It was a boy, so beautiful. She was so excited. I watched her turn from being unsure, to excited, to depressed, to..hopeful, to tired, to exhausted, to weak. Lupus was the culprit. I saw her being drained of hope and faith. I saw her bright spirit leaving her and it saddened me. I didn’t know what to say. What can you say? How can you explain it? How can you justify it? But, I also see her pulling through.

We had a nice, long talk the other day and we both were damn near brought to tears. Listening to her describe her pain, not only physical but, mental. She is fighting. And she isn’t letting it get the best of her. In my eyes, she is winning everyday. Seeing her fight everyday lights something inside of me. Every time I help her out the car, I find strength in her strength. Every time I hear her tell me she couldn’t move this morning, I find faith in her faith. Every time I see her with lipstick on, I know she had the strength to do so. Every time I see her dressed up, I know she is having a better day than most days.

I find strength in so many aspects of my life that I didn’t even know were there. All of my excuses and problems seem so trivial when I look around me. It is a reminder that there is more and I am capable of more. With so much going on in the world, in your own situations, you have to stop and make sure you are okay mentally. Cause honestly, your mental health is the back bone to all else. It is that driving force, that encouragement, that undying strength. So, I said all of that to say, take care of your mental health. It is stronger than you think.

lupus

As always, Peace & Love.

Magic Smoothies

Hey guys! So I’ve been trying to eat a bit healthier so I picked up a Magic Bullet blender a few months back. I was so exited to start using this. I love smoothies and I love fresh fruit. But here’s the good part, I can make so much more other things with it as well! It came with a booklet with some recipes and I am going to give them all a try. The smoothies keep me feeling full all while getting my healthy serving of fruits and veggies (I add spinach leaves to it for some greens). You can also add any type of protein or whey to the mix which give you an extra boost. I have yet to do so, but I think I might pick some up soon.

In the picture, I have huge ice cubes but, I have since switched to frozen fruit. To me, the smoothies come out much better and I have more room for fruit without the ice.

Did I mention it’s fun to make! Take about ten minutes tops to have yourself a delicious smoothie. I love it so far and will continue to replace a meal with one of these babies. Now, I’m not gonna lie and say that I have been eating healthy this entire time. I love me some Reese’s okay? lol But I have been making an effort to incorporate healthy foods and exercising.

Eating healthier also changes your whole mood. I wake up with energy and  a bright outlook on the day. I don’t get tired too quickly and I feel soo good! So, try to make a small healthy choice today, or tomorrow. Any effort counts! Oh, and Happy Friday!!

Anybody have any good recipes they use? Let me know!

Peace & Love